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i was the anon from yesterday.
Yes, $400 on groceries. we buy good, clean food. the girl can cook, so we dont go out too too often. i always pack my lunch.
realistically if you and your wife do not come to some kind of understanding/compromise/agreement on what direction you are heading, the rest of my advice is pretty much useless.
i see it as the boulder is rolling downhill, you must stop it first, then start pushing it back up. the more drastic measures you take ,the quicker it will happen. if you are burning money, the $50 a month for the 529's could help. if you are just going to spend it, then might as well put it away for the kids, even though it is only $600 a year.
you and the wife must align your goals to some extent. otherwise their will be animosity or passive aggression between you two.
i wish you the best.